I keep my bible facedown underneath my bed. When I take it out to read it I make sure my door is closed. My prayers are silent if they're outside of church. I don't bring up the topic of religion unless someone asks me directly, or unless I'm completely sure they're Christian. (Or if I'm safely hidden behind anonymity in a blog like this.) I used to be confused as to why I treat my experience with Christianity like it's some secret to hide from the world, but I'm starting to come to terms with a fact in my life. I'm ashamed of my religion.
Perhaps more accurately, I'm ashamed of what Christianity has come to be known as in my lifetime. If I were to read the bible on a park bench, how would the people walking by see me? They would begin to assume things. Weirdly, most of those things wouldn't even be assumptions about my religious state. Several would be political assumptions. "She's a bigot." "Gay basher." "Creationist." "She pushes religious ideas on others." "She's pretentious." "Close-minded." Do I not have to curtail my own similar thoughts about people when encountering Christians outside of a church setting? We're fed so many Christianity-laced ideas in popular media that eventually it just seems like that's what Christians are like. Heck, I'm a Christian and should know that not all Christians are like that, yet I still get initially sucked into the assumption.
I don't want people to associate me with all of the things that come with the stereotype of Christianity in America. I don't want people to look at me and assume that I'm hateful. I don't want them to be wary of me because I might try to smother them in religious rhetoric at the drop of a hat. So, I hide. It's way easier to show that I'm a nice person first, and then have them find out that I'm Christian rather than trying to worm my way out of the stereotype beforehand.
The stupid thing is, no one's going to say that Jesus the person was hateful or pretentious. I mean, seriously. It doesn't even matter if you believe that he's Jesus Christ or not. Jesus the person was a pretty wise and giving guy. He was all about peace and loving others, no matter what their background was. Actually, he was against being pretentious and exclusive and hateful. No one argues about that. So... when did Christianity become associated with everything that Christ was against- hate and exclusivity and rigid tradition? And close-mindedness? Didn't he pretty much say to the Jewish people at the time "look, you've got to open your minds to these new ideas because everyone's invited to the not-being-doomed party now, not just you guys?" Didn't he say that the main gist of it was "Love God, love others?" Wasn't that the point? So... I get confused when all of these other issues get brought up in the news and the arguments over blogs and in the pamphlets being handed out on campuses. Where did we get turned around? When did Christians stop representing the bold new idea of accepting everyone and start becoming the exclusive, hateful group, ready to stone the nearest sinner? Not all Christians are like that. Not even the majority (or at least I hope), so why is this the first image that comes to mind when someone says "Christian?"
This is the reason why I hide my religion. I know it's probably not a good thing to be ashamed of your own religion, especially when it means a whole lot to you, but how would I go about showing people that I'm not like their stereotype without them assuming things? It's difficult. :-/
End note: I tried googling images to put in here, but most of them just made me more sad. Instead, here are some pretty pictures I have stored on my computer:
Comments (29)
Have you read the book, "Blue Like Jazz"?
I understand a lot of what you are saying. Being a Christian can feel shameful at times because of what other Christians have done in God's name and how society portrays us... and it really hurts. But when you are actually pursuing Christ, learning from him and walking in his ways, it pays off... maybe not immediately, but eventually.
it happened recently. i don't understand what's going on, either. but i know that we're living in a world where white is black - and gray is just some word in a dictionary. where, in the finest of orwellian traditions, war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength. i'm a believer, but this tries my soul.
Before I became a Christian, I thought some of those same things - not because the media was saying them, because that was way before stereotyping became the way to shut out people who were different....like Christians. However, I mis-heard the things Christians said to me. Why, because I didn't know Christ. I didn't know that the call to come to Christ was a call of love and salvation. All I heard (though it wasn't what those witnessing were actually saying) was, "you are living wrong, you have to quit smoking, God doesn't want you to have fun."
You see, I was then what the unbeliever is now. I hated God though I didn't feel as though I did. I was intimidated by Him. I wanted to be free to do whatever I wanted, no matter what. Since I've come to know Him personally through the new birth, I understand what I didn't then.
I won't deny that some people who claim to be Christians don't live as they should as Christians, but their claim is probably false. They are most likely acting out against the things they dislike personally but they have no clue as to what the Bible actually teaches. You can tell real Christians after a while - after your prejudice wears thin. The first thing I did after receiving Christ was to go to those people who cared enough to witness to me and to apologize for my foolish hatefulness and name-calling of them - and to thank them for being a small part in the awakening of my heart to the call of God.
i'm sorry you feel you have to hide what you consider to be a sizable and crucial part of your social or personal identity.
something that might give you hope/veneration is that very few christians are hateful. allot of the sociopathy in public representation it grounded more upon population size and population of abusive households than actual scripture inspired terrorism. in other words, because there are allot of abusive hose holds and at a simpler level there are simply more christians, the very small chance of someone being bad while nearly constant makes the group look worse.
This reminds me of the book I'm reading "unChristian" i recommend it to all Christians, especially those over 30 who do not realize the the way 20 somethings and teenagers view Christianity.
I applaud your honesty here. I remember a few short years ago I wanted to stop calling myself a christian altogether chanting that I hate religion and I was tired of the stereotype that I DID not and DO not fit.I constantly proclaimed "Its a relationship, not a religion" and made it clear that I had other agendas than to be a 'fruit inspector' of my brothers and sisters and a judge of the world.
I hear your heart here. I was there. And even though i am not ashamed and don't hide it, I have learned, with this generation, my generation, it isn't always wise to lead with "Hi, I'm a Christian," And, if a significant amount of time has not passed before the discovery is made, a wall almost always arises and relationship is limited. =[
I ask the same questions you do. I take responsibility for the bad name and speak out openly and urge the church to change... I believe this change can happen, whole-heartedly and I am doing everything I feel I can to be the change!
Remember this:
Mark 8:38New International Version (NIV)38 If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”
We must stand up for God. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. He loves all. But, hates divorce, and Sin of all kinds. All sin can be forgiven except Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am a Christian, I am not ashamed. I have a hard time holding my tongue at times though, when people put Him down or His word. We are not perfect and many think if your a Christian, you MUST BE PERFECT... we live in an imperfect world, around imperfect people, trying to do our best to Live a closely related perfect life as Jesus did... we are only flesh.. but, our souls are HIS to do with what he chooses and we have a choice. He gave us Free Will to chose our path... Stay with the Lord, love the people, but hate the sin. Don't socialize around sin... and sinful nature.. it leads to death..
Well I seen your post out here and took the time to read... Please don't be afraid to show you Love Jesus... He is the only way! God Bless; Laurie
In freshman English in college we were all required to read Shakespeare and the Bible. That is because literature is filled with references to them. A part of being educated is being familiar with these passages.
I am not religious at all. I'm agnostic, I was going to say, but really, questions of belief or non-belief do not arise in my life at all. I am not a christian. But I must agree that the Bible is a civilizing force.
@jmallory - Blue Like Jazz is actually on my list of things to read... I read another book by the same author a few years ago and really liked it. Thanks!
@complicatedlight - It seems like it's just recently happening, yeah. However, I guess I add a caveat to that. Even as early as when Paul was still writing letters to different churches it seems like people were starting to get different ideas about what Christianity was. Otherwise he wouldn't have been shaking his finger at church leaders in the Mediterranean and going "Stop thinking that food and sex is completely and totally off limits. What's wrong with you guys?" So... maybe it just seems that it's happening recently because there was a lull in the crazy when we were growing up? lol.
@quest4god@revelife - Glad you had a change of heart, but yeah- that's what I mean. I'm afraid that being "churchey" is just going to come off as "I'm trying to railroad you into my religion" which I don't at all intend. :-/
@lenybobsyouruncle - Thanks, that means a lot. And yeah, as soon as I look at my own church or the people in it, I can see that the majority of Christians I interact with aren't hateful. That's why I get confused when my first response to "Christian" is to cringe. Why does hearing about the minority of spiteful Christians influence my view of a whole group of people? :-/
@xXrEMmUsXx - That's awesome. :) I wish I had more courage to "be the change" as it were. lol. I'll have to add that book to my reading list as well. Lots to ponder...
@amuzme42 - Thanks. Honestly, that's one verse that I tend to think of when I feel ashamed of my religion. It seems like I really should fix it, partly because of that, but mostly because it's part of who I am.
@we_deny_everything - Neat. I've always wondered what a class would be like that taught the Bible just as a piece of literature. I sort of want to take a class that would treat several religious texts as literature because I'm interested to see the comparison and contrast between the different views, different cultures. It'd be interesting and eye-opening I'd think.
@Ooglick - Please do add the book... its eye opening, but it does seem to be a hefty read for me because of all the statistics - its a lot to take in.
@Ooglick - I've read most of Donald Miller's books. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years inspired me to ask my now wife to marry me. But I think Blue Like Jazz is exactly what you're looking for in such a situation.
@Ooglick - What my point was is that nonChristians cannot understand much that is of God. "The natural man is at enmity with God and cannot understand spiritual things because they are spiritually discerned." That should not cause us to hide our light under a bushel, but to let it shine and illuminate them. God Himself has to do the calling and no one can come without hearing His voice - they have no spiritual ability to do so; but God gives the gift of faith to them as He calls. Your testimony, your openness to share the wonderful Jesus, the way the love of Christ constrains you to live, all these are attractive - especially to those who are nearest to being saved. The main thing is to glorify God in all we do and not to take credit for what God is doing and has done in us. Remembering how blind I was before helps me to choose my words wisely when sharing Christ with others.
I understand what you are saying. I totally understand. I do not like what "Christianity" is known for now days. Christ said that we would be known as his disciples by our love for one another. (John 13:34-35)
I wish more people within the church and outside the church could see this more. All they often see are the churches or people proclaiming the church that is in the media -- those that are bashing funerals, or homosexuals, or those who have had abortions.
I know I have friends and myself that struggle with all sorts of sin..... lying, addictions (drugs, porn, codependency, etc), homosexuality, affairs, .......... and my sin (codependency, not being honest with my feeling, and sharing my heart with others) is no different than theirs in God's eyes. God loves us where we are at in the midst of our sin. To love like Christ is to see others with Christ's eyes. All the sins and addictions are often to cover up a deep pain inside a person's heart.
@kamrandolph - I totally agree. Er, I wish I had more to say on it, but I would say the same things you just did. lol.
I am sure you feel good now that you have put your feelings down on paper. But don't you think that there are other religions which also portray similar things. I love Islam and am so grateful that I am a Muslim. But I see around me throughout the world Muslims who have brought the name of Islam down by doing heinous acts. Look the people of Israel, who are of the Jewish faith. Look how they treat the Palestinians.
Don't make your self miserable by thinking that Christianity alone is the culprit here.@ZSA_MD - That is true. I guess it's just living where I'm living that makes it feel like it's only Christianity. All religions seem to have their loud and angry versions that ruin it for the average religious individual. *sigh* Thanks for the reminder that it's not just one.
thanks for sharing...
i think most of the people of any major religion today are "born into it".. meaning, they are of that religion because they are born in a family with that religion.. it has become an identity, regardless of whatever they do is in line with the actual teaching of that religion or not.. over time these kind of people keep increasing, and the end product, is what we see now... just my thought though..
If you believe, it is a public belief. Jesus was out in public and so are we.
@monobeam - I know. It's just scary sharing sometimes. :-/ I'm in the midst of figuring out how to show that I am Christian but not the kind that is close minded and hateful. Do you think it's possible to speak solely through our actions?
@Ooglick - That reminds me of St. Francis who said, "preach the Gospel always, if necessary use words."
I agree that many people put us vocal Christians in a box of preconceived ideas. But we still have to talk about our belief, and challenge misconceptions about who we are.
@monobeam - I've read that different people are like the different parts of a "body of Christ." Maybe I'm not a very good mouth. lol. Maybe I'm a better hand. When I am serving people I feel most like myself. When I'm talking about my religion to people I feel very awkward. I like your quote. :)
So many people want Christianity to be about "accepting everyone", when it fact it's about God seeing how
unacceptablewe are, loving us anyway... and forgiving us of our sin when we come to repentance.
We must speak the truth, and we must speak the truth in love. Jesus died for no less.
I hope you gain the boldness to be a Christian in public.
@NightCometh - Thanks. I usually don't feel very bold. :-/
I think many people are in the same boat as you (myself included) but many of us don't fully realize it, or won't admit it. We always knew we would be persecuted, but did not expect it to be like this. It's a shame how much easier it is to be NOT identified as Christian, and this is coming from someone who lives in suburban middle-class Georgia. I've been more honest lately and I've felt freed by it, but it's still a struggle. At the end of the day it is just a relief that God is God and I am not.
@jmallory - My sister just bought that book today and told me I should read it.
@Manic_Butterflies - It's brilliant. The movie came out recently, and I recommend that as well.
@Manic_Butterflies - Hey! I'm in Georgia too. :) Welcome, fellow Georgia person. hehe. (I'm just here for school though.)
I don't really feel persecuted, per-se, just... embarrassed that this is how we're thought of. All because of the behavior of a few very loud and hateful Christians. :-/Also apparently I really need to read this book....